When Your Network Is Your Net Worth (But Also Your Friend Group)
Looking back over the past decade of my multi-faceted career, I can see two distinct areas in which I have grown: one is in editing and writing, and the other is in using strategies to support businesses in telling their unique stories. Through these experiences, I have gained the type of expertise that can only be realized through finding success and failure and learning from both.
One area in which I have a wealth of knowledge, yet haven’t figured out how to best share, are the lessons learned through two major career pivots (and other pitfalls). It is hard to explain what I’ve discovered about myself and building a career, in general, by transitioning from a decade of teaching to writing for media outlets both big (The Boston Globe) and small (VentureFizz) to a myriad of marketing consulting adventures to running content marketing for a massively scaling business (ButcherBox) and to marketing operations for small businesses.
It might be an understatement to say I have some experience with career changes.
And yet, while I have far more wisdom than I did when I hit the workforce coming out of college, there are still many challenges I wrestle with when it comes to building a career, operating a consulting business, and, at the moment, undertaking a deep search for work that is meaningful and rewarding.
For instance, there’s a particular kind of professional paralysis that happens when opportunity lives at the intersection of friendship and business.
Problem solving, for me, comes through writing, so here’s my attempt to dig into this dark hollow.
Fault Lines of Social and Professional Relationships
The intersection of friendship and business can manifest in various ways.
- Someone in your network mentions a role that seems perfect for you, but the conversation stays safely in the realm of casual updates rather than direct asks.
- You have a history with someone, a relationship built on mutual respect and shared experiences, and you realize they might have a job that is perfect for you, and you wait for them to ask you to take it.
- You’ve tried this before, and past professional interactions didn’t work out. No big deal. The friendship remained meaningful, but you want to reach out about something new that might be in your wheelhouse, but, due to past failures, broaching the topic of new opportunities feels loaded with unspoken tension.
- Worst of all these: The worry that someone might feel the burden to help you as a friend, and that leaks into the outcome of a professional relationship. The fear, something I have often felt, is that professional work relationships supersede social friendships.
Silent Assumptions
I’ve been thinking about this lately because I’m facing it myself. There’s a dangerous assumption many of us make: “If they wanted to work with me, they’d ask.”
This assumption feels logical. It protects relationships. It avoids the awkwardness of direct professional requests within personal connections.
It’s also often wrong.
The people in our networks—especially friends and loose professional connections—may not immediately think “this person would be perfect for this role,” even when we would be. They’re not thinking about our career needs or financial pressures (I feel like almost everyone who writes in the well-being space writes some version of “No one is thinking about you.”)
In conversations with friends, everyone is usually just sharing updates, seeking advice, or simply catching up.
When Past Experience Creates Present Hesitation
The challenge becomes more complex when history is involved.
Maybe you worked together before and it didn’t meet expectations—on either side. Perhaps you contributed significantly to someone’s success but feel undervalued or unrewarded for that contribution.
These experiences create emotional residue that complicates future interactions. You might find yourself feeling resentful (“Why haven’t they recognized what I brought to their success?”) or overly cautious (“I don’t want to damage this relationship by pushing for work”). I often feel like a past miscommunication or failed project means I can never succeed in that professional relationship again (“I know I sucked last time, so you must assume I will suck on this other thing”).
All these reactions are understandable. They can also prevent you from pursuing legitimate opportunities.
The Professional Friendship Framework
After reflecting on my own struggles with this dynamic, I’ve started developing a framework for navigating these relationships more intentionally:
1. Separate the Relationship from the Opportunity The quality of your personal connection doesn’t automatically translate to professional alignment. Someone can value your friendship and still not think of you for a specific role—not because they don’t respect your capabilities, but because they’re not thinking in that mode during your conversation. Additionally, they may know you well enough to realize that you are not the right fit. And, with the trust of the relationship, it is okay for friends to be honest. Trust is tantamount.
2. Be Direct, But Strategic If you believe you’d be genuinely valuable for an opportunity someone mentions, say so. But frame it around value delivery, not personal need: “That role sounds fascinating. Based on what you’ve shared, I think my experiences could be really valuable here. Is that something worth exploring?”
3. Process Past Experiences Separately If you have unresolved feelings about previous professional interactions, please take care of them independently from current opportunities. Don’t let past disappointments prevent you from pursuing present possibilities. Now, this is incredibly hard. I have much personal residue tied to my own sometimes misguided need to “be good,” which is often not healthy. Although I’ve learned a lot from failure, I still am very self-critical of moments when things didn’t work out, especially professionally. My thinking can often be a very real obstacle to moving forward. I don’t hold grudges against others; I hold a grudge against myself. Addressing them seems daunting. However, most of these situations, when discussed, are not as big of a deal as I initially thought they would be. It’s work.
4. Give People Permission to Say No Make it easy for friends to decline professional requests by explicitly removing personal stakes: “I’d love to explore this opportunity, but I also want you to know that whatever direction this goes, it won’t affect our relationship.” Wording this is key. Keep it simple and clear. I often find that this message has been miscommunicated when I try to wrap this ask in a self-deflection or self-deprecation. Be clear.
The Vulnerability of Asking
There is an inherent vulnerability in asking friends for professional opportunities. It reveals a need. It could change the dynamic of casual conversations. It risks rejection that feels personal, even when it’s purely professional.
But there’s also vulnerability in not asking—in assuming that opportunities will come to you without direct advocacy, in letting financial pressures build while waiting for others to recognize your needs, in watching roles go to other people because you stayed silent.
This is a common thread in much of the literature on building or changing a career: if you want something, you need to act. Waiting for an opportunity to come your way magically is just that – a fantasy. This morning on LinkedIn, Sahil Bloom, author of The Five Types of Wealth, posted a message that addresses this topic: “Nobody Cares.” The key point being, “you are in control…It’s on you.”
Make it Happen
What I’ve learned through multiple career transitions is that professional growth often requires us to have conversations we’d rather avoid. (And, trust me, no one is as good at avoid difficult conversations than me.)
The advice above gives some potential structure for those conversations, but it doesn’t eliminate their inherent awkwardness. That’s okay.
Growth happens in the spaces where we’re slightly uncomfortable, where we have to advocate for ourselves despite uncertainty about the outcome.
The relationships worth having—both personal and professional—are the genuine ones that can handle honest conversations about mutual needs and interests. Lean in.
Story Goods 